Self Worth and Identity

A strong sense of self-worth and identity helps us feel grounded, confident, and connected to who we are. But for many people, this sense can feel fragile, unclear, or shaped by the expectations of others. Struggles with self-worth often involve deep feelings of inadequacy, defectiveness, self-doubt, or shame even when there’s no clear reason why.

You may find yourself constantly questioning your decisions, comparing yourself to others, or seeking validation to feel okay. You may also feel disconnected from your values, unsure of who you are, or stuck in roles that no longer fit. These challenges can impact your relationships, work, and wellbeing, often in ways that feel invisible to others but heavy to carry.

Common Signs of Self-Worth & Identity Struggles

• Harsh inner critic or persistent self-doubt
  
  
• Feeling like you’re “not enough” or a fear of being found out to be defective
  
  
• Difficulty making decisions or asserting needs
  
  
• Chronic comparison or need for external approval
  
  
• Confusion about your values, beliefs, or direction in life
  
  
• Shapeshifting in different relationships to feel accepted
  
  
• Avoiding challenges due to fear of failure or rejection
  
  
• Difficulty feeling pride or acknowledging your strengths
  
  

These patterns often operate beneath the surface, reinforced over time by life experiences, family dynamics, and internalised beliefs.

Where These Struggles Come From

Our sense of identity and self-worth is shaped early in life through the messages we receive from caregivers, peers, culture, and our environment. If you grew up in a setting where love was conditional, achievements were never enough, or emotional needs were overlooked, you may have developed deep-rooted beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t matter”, or “I have to prove my worth to be accepted.”

These beliefs often persist into adulthood, even when our current circumstances are different. Experiences such as bullying, discrimination, trauma, or repeated failures can further erode confidence and clarity around who we are. Over time, this can lead to a disconnection from our own values, needs, and sense of identity.

Therapy can help unpack these layers, not just to challenge negative thoughts, but to reconnect with your authentic self and build a more compassionate inner foundation.

How Psychologists Can Help

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps you identify and shift unhelpful thought patterns that impact self-worth. For example, you may explore automatic thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I don’t deserve success” and learn how these beliefs influence your behaviour and emotional responses. Therapy supports you in challenging these thoughts, developing more balanced perspectives, and building confidence through action.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT helps you unhook from harsh self-judgments and reconnect with your values. Rather than trying to “fix” self-esteem, ACT focuses on creating a more flexible, accepting relationship with your thoughts and feelings. You’ll explore what truly matters to you and begin taking small steps toward a life that feels meaningful and self-directed, even in the presence of self-doubt.

Schema Therapy

Schema Therapy is particularly helpful when issues with self-worth and identity are long-standing or rooted in early experiences. It helps identify core beliefs and emotional patterns ‘schemas’, such as feeling defective, unlovable, or invisible and understand how these schemas were shaped. Therapy provides space to reprocess these experiences, meet unmet emotional needs, and build a more stable and empowered sense of self.